Tindering in France

Let me give you some advice you didn’t ask for and probably don’t need – if you live in Lyon, France do not make a Tinder account. Even if it’s the depths of winter and you’re feeling some type of way because Valentine’s day is a mere 3 weeks away and you don’t want to spend it alone , don’t do it. Trust me, whatever it is you are looking for, you will NOT find it on Tinder. 

Because I hadn’t learned my lesson I made a new Tinder account late 2018. And discovered very quickly that the men on Tinder are the bottom of the barrel. 

I swiped until my index finger started feeling like a sprained wrist. I swiped left on at least 100 profiles before one caught my eye. After a few evenings of swiping left I had a handful of people I swiped right on and in the end unmatched them all. 

If someone writs me ‘Hello,’ I will reply ‘Hi,’ and then because online dating is an exercise in who can do the least, the conversation likely will not go any further for the next 24 hours and then I will unpatch.

One guy had a bit more to say.  He asked, ‘What country is your flag from?’ 

If you google ‘flags of the world’ the first hit is a CIA.gov page of the flags of the world with the corresponding country listed below. Mine is the sixth on the list, you don’t even have to scroll down. If someone cannot figure out something as basic as what country a flag represents, he’s probably not my type.  You really can tell a lot about a person. The ones who exert the minimum energy from the start will likely keep that same low energy in a relationship. Hard pass.

A particularly handsome guy who couldn’t be bothered to fill out his ‘about me section’ super liked me. I’m usually suspicious of supplies but decided to give him a chance. I matched with him and he said ‘hello’. I asked why his profile was blank and he replied  admitted , ‘because I’m lazy haha’. Good to know, my friend. Unmatched.

Some might say I am overly picky but I think the best time to online date is when you do not want a boyfriend. Desperation is hard to hide. 

Sometimes I joke about how I am going to be single forever – by choice. But then other times especially after watching an especially romantic movie that ends happily ever after, I daydream about having a boyfriend. Somebody nice and kind who is interested in me as a person and likes me and doesn’t get offended or when I don’t want to spend every second of my free time with him.

But the rate things are going in my life I don’t think that will ever come to pass. 

After moving to France and rediscovering how, despite the huge downside of most frenchies being heavy smokers, in general French men have a type of style and manner that makes them very attractive.

They are slim and fit and their clothes fit well. They wear leather shoes and in the winter wool trousers. They tuck their shirts in and secure the waists with leather belts. They have 0% body fat.  In autumn when the temperature drops they pull out their cashmere/wool blend coats and replace the summer cotton scarves with cashmere. Okay this is a gross generalization but there are a lot many men like this than you would ever find in an American city.

Yes yes looks aren’t everything, but they are a start.

So back to tinder. Why can’t I find any of the decent men on here?

As I wallow in my disappointment I have a few questions.

Why do men think that they can simply state their height and nothing else. Is that supposed to be enough for women? Why do bald men wear baseball caps in each and every one of the TEN photos in their gallery?

Do they not realize that this is a dead giveaway that they are bald and insecure about it? What will they do wear a cap every day for the rest of their life? Including to bed?

And the men who have the audacity to say that they are ‘in an open relationship not looking for anything serious.’

What… I guess it’s good to be honest but I will never understand people in open relationships who are still actively searching for more.  Where do they find the time?I barely have enough time to deal with myself and having one partner would be pushing it, much less multiple? 

How much time do you have in the day to be able to dedicate it to not just one person but still be so unsatisfied as to be on a hunt for more? Those people I can’t swipe left fast enough on. And the ones who make sexual references in their profiles – how ill bred can someone get? And who do they expect to attract with such crassness? I guess every moldy bread has it’s moldy cheese. 

So, you would think that after all of that complaining I would be relieved to find the profiles of those men who claim to be ‘looking for something serious’. Sorry to disappoint you but this doesn’t cut it. This is clearly a reverse psychology tactic. These men falsely assume that women by default are always looking for something ‘serious’ and so they make this false claim in an attempt to attract high calibre maidens, knowing jolly well they have no intention of being involved in anything serious. 

Okay now I know reading this you might think that these are mad rantings of a scorned woman and maybe they are. But i’ve just dealt with so much foolishness over the years that I think I’ve become if not full blown asexual just completely indifferent to the opposite sex.  Still, I remain open for in case one day I actually do meet someone I can stand for more than two dates but in the mean time online dating is not where it’s at.Maybe I’ll have to be like one of those women from the popular memes waiting for prince charming to come crashing through my front door. 

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